Helping myself have his first child

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Hey honey, I got you a window seat! I know how much you hate not having one.'

Hey honey, I got you a window seat! I know how much you hate not having one.

This is why you don't drive when you're hung-over'

This is why you don't drive when you're hung-over

Hot mom doing best'

Hot mom doing best

Are you anything more than idiot fuckmeat?'

Are you anything more than idiot fuckmeat?

She is saving herself for you silly!'

She is saving herself for you silly!

Had been friends since we were kids, once i was married she wanted me'

Had been friends since we were kids, once i was married she wanted me

It barely took any effort'

It barely took any effort

🎉 No more balls hitting my chin after that ball drops in Times Square... I'm serious this year 🎊'

🎉 No more balls hitting my chin after that ball drops in Times Square... I'm serious this year 🎊

One more free drink 🍹'

One more free drink 🍹

You're Not Gay, but..'

You're Not Gay, but..

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